Family and Accountability
The Value of Family
Family – a word that can carry such pain and yearning yet also warmth and purpose. Barn Life practices the value of “family.” Our actions are guided by this value often. “Accept everyone!” is our beautiful marching tune. We want everyone who walks through the gates to be treated as if they deserve a place at our table. No one should be invisible. This is part of the Barn Life magic. Part of caring about someone is holding them accountable. Holding them to the notion that we see more for them than what’s in front of them right now, and that we believe they are capable and deserving of a better life and sense of being. We remind them of their goals for joining the Barn Life client family.
Listening with an Open Heart
We want them to get the most out of being here and being “a part of” because they are deserving of it. None of us act as islands at Barn Life. In a healthy family dynamic, we must channel humility and openness when considering one another’s feedback. We are an eclectic bunch of unique, intelligent, and strong individuals who need others just like everyone else. Families either turn toward and unite in chaos or they turn away or even against each other. Let us all strive to continue turning toward.
Meeting the Needs of Others – and Our Own
For most of us, there are many things we’d leave behind with our families or like to change about them. However, we must not allow that to dictate our narratives or roles in our chosen families. We now have a chance to meet the needs of others in a healthy way. Additionally, we are permitted the opportunity to get our own needs met – needs which we wish our families had dutifully provided us – for security, for belonging, for intimacy, and overall, for safety. We have choices now! We didn’t as children. Let the pain of what never was turn into a dull ache. You’ll feel it sometimes, but not all of the time. It no longer needs to dictate your life or your identity. You can get your own needs met and invite people into your life who are actually capable of meeting your needs.
Some Things to Think About
Ask for the hug from the warm father figure. Receive soothing words of encouragement from the mother figure. Let them ground you in calm security. Tell yourself you will be okay. Fearing and trying to predict and control are all old blankets that are unnecessary now. Thank the family member who was a responsible constant in your life. Express appreciation for those around you and allow yourself to be seen. You can and will create a new sense of family for yourself.